


Not Strong Enough/All I Can Do

by Azar, JJ (Azar)



Category: Mysterious Ways
Genre: Episode Related, F/M, Friendship, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-19
Updated: 2010-06-19
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:32:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azar/pseuds/Azar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azar/pseuds/JJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two short introspective vignettes exploring Declan and Miranda's thoughts towards the end of "The Greater Good."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Not Strong Enough

I'm sorry, Miranda. I know you'll be angry with me when you wake up, but right now I just don't care. Like I told Peggy, I'm just not strong enough to let you go.

I'm not strong enough to live the rest of my life without your presence in it.

Don't ask me when that happened, because I honestly couldn't tell you. I didn't realize it until the moment you told me not to bring the cloth to you. Before that I'd never faced the possibility of losing you. Even standing over the Miranda River gorge wondering why you felt compelled to jump, it was never real. Because I knew there had to be another explanation. And there was.

I need you, Miranda. I haven't exactly figured out the nature of that need, yet, but I need you to be here when I solve that particular mystery.

I need to see that rare, beautiful smile you almost never show. I need to find myself looking for a way to inspire it. I need the feeling of bewildered bemusement I feel every time your amazing mind starts to express itself in words that are beyond me. I need every one of those odd little quirks of yours. I need the friend who knows me so well she can anticipate my thoughts before even I know them, the one who is still a mystery to me after almost two and a half years.

And most of all, I need the selfless heart that was willing to sacrifice itself for the lives of strangers. I need it--I need you--to teach me how to be so selfless.

But for the moment you'll just have to forgive my selfishness and come back to me.

Because I'm not strong enough to let you go.

  



	2. All I Can Do

Damn it, Declan, I told you not to do this.

Of course I knew the minute I opened my eyes what you had done. I'd closed them never expecting to open them again, and I know nothing short of a miracle could have kept that inevitability from coming true. A miracle that you wasted on me when it could have saved so many people.

But as much as I want to, even with this damned tube down my throat, I look into your eyes and I can't tell you that. I can't scold you for throwing away God knows how many lives for mine. And your freedom...I'm not still so close to death that I don't know what that uniform means, what those handcuffs mean.

Why did you do it, Declan? Why did you break your promise to me? And why am I so damned grateful to have the life back that I was ready to give up? Why does that look in your eyes make me want to live for a hundred years?

I should be fighting. I should be tearing the tube out of my mouth and screaming at you that it wasn't worth it, that one life--and certainly not mine--isn't worth so many countless others. I should be pushing you away, finding some way to communicate the anger I should be feeling.

But all I can do is cling to your hand as the cop tries to pull you away from me, with a desperation I can't forgive myself for feeling.

All I can do is hold on to you, and try to never let go.


End file.
